"wearing make-up is like lying all the time"

i get anxious that my words on this blog will be set in stone, people might read them and think certain things about me.. but at the end of day i am just a simple human really... very faulted and its ok to show that side of me right, it would be a lie to show anything else surely.

tonight at a bar with friends we discussed girls wearing make-up. their point was that wearing make-up is like lying all the time. i felt it strange that i always wear make-up and im ok with people only knowing only that side to me.. but i guess the temptation of easily making myself better for the culture i live in is just too luring... everyone wants to be their best right?!

i do think people should just decide what they want to be and be it. not feel swayed by others. people are most beautiful, in my opinion when they shine their individual soul. we're all so different, there is so much variety, surely its best if we dont all do the same thing...then the diversity can teach us so much more..

still i dont even know if i can take my own advice... i wanna be loved like the next person, and sadly i feel that a large factor in my lovability is in my appearance..will i ever escape that... i dont know...maybe one day a man might look upon my natural face and call me beautiful, but alas, it is likely that if ever i was lucky enough to be in that situation, i wouldnt believe him anyway..society really mucks us up huh, or maybe i should be stronger, but it would be nice anyway. its peoples soul isnt it, that what matters in the end right...

Johnny cash once said he was grateful that God didnt make him ugly, and he made a point of saying not physically ugly, what he meant was that he was thankful that he was not ugly in spirit...

i think that is what is important overall.. without being unrealistic, it is that what matters...i did this painting in a while ago but maybe is expresses just a little bit of how i feel..



its a shame because i do see the exquisite beauty in everyone around me and i can appreciate everyone im around, but when it comes to myself there isnt much room at all...perhaps i need to work on that..